New Research And Statistics: The #1 Communication SkilLS That Predicts Relationship Success

The data from 1,300 couple assessments reveals that having good listening skills is correlated with overall relationship success. This fascinating data from Oliver Drakeford Therapy reveals the single communication skill that transforms relationship outcomes.

If you're struggling in your relationship right now, this one skill could significantly improve your odds of happiness, increasing from 1.4% to 63%. That's not a typo. It's the difference between almost certain failure and probable success.

The Research Behind the COMMUNICATION SKILLS DATA

As a couples and family therapist in West Hollywood, I've spent over 10 years looking for patterns that predict relationship success. Last year, I created the Care and Intimacy Quiz to assess four pillars of healthy relationships: communication, emotional intimacy, conflict resolution, and equilibrium.

After analyzing 1,300 responses from real couples, one finding stopped me in my tracks.

Among couples where partners described each other as good listeners—people who "really get them" and provide "free therapy"—63% had thriving relationships with global scores over 70.

Among couples with poor listeners? Only 1.4% had thriving relationships.

That's a 43-fold difference.

Not 43 percent better.

Forty-three times more likely to succeed.

The Cascade Effect: How Listening Transforms Every Relationship Dimension

Good listening does more than improve communication; the research is showing that it creates a multiplier effect, creating a difference across every aspect of how couples connect.

Emotional Connection: The 0.9% Problem

When partners are poor listeners, only 0.9% of people report feeling emotionally close or connected.

Out of 100 people with poor-listener partners, maybe one feels genuine emotional intimacy. Think about that—emotional connection basically doesn't exist without good listening.

When partners are good listeners? The emotional connection scores soar above 60%.

Deep Conversations: A 13x Difference

Remember those conversations that matter? Where you share fears, dreams, and vulnerabilities?

29% of people with good-listener partners have deep, meaningful conversations regularly.

Only 2% with partners who are poor listeners experience this level of connection.

That's almost 13 times more meaningful dialogue. If your partner doesn't listen well, deep conversations become annual events. With good listeners, they're part of a regular relationship rhythm.

Expressing Needs: The Silent Suffering Statistics

This finding hits hardest because it's about vulnerability and getting your needs met.

32% of people with good-listener partners feel comfortable expressing emotional needs—saying "I need this from you" or "This hurt me."

With poor listeners? Only 5% can express their needs.

That means 95% of people with poor-listener partners walk around with unexpressed needs. They're afraid to ask for what they want. They suffer in silence, hoping their partner will somehow figure it out.

The Listening Gradient: Where Does Your Relationship Fall?

Our data reveals a clear spectrum, with each level predicting relationship scores with remarkable accuracy:

Poor Listeners (Relationship Score: Below 50% - Grade: F)

Partners say: "They make it worse when I'm upset" or "They just can't listen."

These relationships are failing across all four pillars.

Moderate Listeners (Relationship Score: 59% - Grade: D+)

Partners say: "Sometimes they're helpful when they listen" or "They listen... occasionally."

Here's the trap: 50.5% of all couples fall into this moderate category. They think "sometimes" is good enough.

But imagine if your partner only loved you sometimes. Only had your back sometimes. It wouldn't feel like enough—because it isn't.

Good Listeners (Relationship Score: 80% - Grade: A)

Partners say: "Talking to them feels like free therapy" or "They mostly listen really well."

These relationships thrive across all dimensions.

Every step up the listening ladder equals approximately 12 points of relationship improvement. The consistency of this gradient across 1,300 assessments is remarkable.

The Science of Listening to Learn vs. Listening to Lecture

Most people think they're decent listeners. Our data suggests otherwise. Here's the critical distinction:

Listening to Lecture (What Most People Do)

You're physically present but mentally preparing your response, counterargument, or advice. With all that mental chatter, you might as well be scrolling your phone.

This is why moderate listeners score only 59%—they're half-listening, half-planning their rebuttal.

Listening to Learn (What Creates the 43x Effect)

This requires exhausting mental focus. You're pushing aside your own thoughts to truly understand your partner's perspective, even when you disagree.

As a therapist who does this all day, I can tell you—it's shockingly draining. But it's also transformative.

The Four-Step Method for Transformative Listening

Based on clinical experience and our research findings, here's how to become the listener who creates that 43x improvement:

1. Paraphrase and Verify

Reformulate your partner's message in your own words, that might sound like... "So it sounds like you're angry because I was on my phone when you were talking about K-pop Demon Hunters. Is that right?"

This proves you're tracking and gives them the opportunity to clarify.

2. Explore with Genuine Curiosity

Ask for elaboration, so saying something like - "Tell me more about that," or "What was that like for you?". That question at the end signals curiosity and genuine interest. 

3. Acknowledge the Emotion Behind the Words

"That must have been frustrating," or "I can see why that would matter to you."

This creates a sense of emotional safety - it's kinda showing you're not dismissing your partner, even if you'd handle things differently.

4. Reflect the Deeper Layer

Go beyond surface words and try to reflect any underlying needs or feelings: "It sounds like you're not just angry about what happened, but hurt that I didn't consider your feelings about how much you love girl groups who are Korean, that like to kill demons."

When you reflect on these deeper layers, you help your partner understand themselves better while demonstrating true attunement.

The Bottom Line: One Skill, Transformed Odds

If you take nothing else from this Research, remember this:

Good listening increases your odds of relationship success by 43 times.

Not 43 percent. Forty-three times.

In a world of complex relationship advice, this finding offers stunning simplicity. One skill. Measurable impact. Transformative results.

Ready to Transform Your Relationship?

Take the Care and Intimacy Quiz that generated this Research: https://oliver-ngkegmdn.scoreapp.com

Download the 7-Day Relationship Rescue Kit with detailed listening exercises: https://www.oliverdrakefordtherapy.com/relationships/couples-therapy-exercises

Work with me directly if you're in Los Angeles or California: https://oliverdrakeford.clientsecure.me/

About the Author: Oliver Drakeford is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in West Hollywood, California, with over 10 years of clinical experience specializing in couples and family therapy. As a family systems therapist, he focuses on identifying and transforming relationship patterns that prevent emotional connection. His original Research on relationship dynamics has assessed over 1,300 couples, providing data-driven insights into what makes relationships thrive.

Frequenty Asked Questions

Is this research really based on actual couples, not just theory?

Yes, this data comes from 1,300 real couples who completed the Care and Intimacy Quiz assessing communication, emotional intimacy, conflict resolution, and equilibrium. These aren't laboratory studies or theoretical models—they're actual relationship assessments from people seeking to understand and improve their partnerships.

The statistical significance is robust across all measured dimensions, with consistent patterns emerging regardless of relationship length, age, or other demographic factors.

What exactly does "43 times more likely" mean in practical terms?

It means if you gathered 100 couples where partners are poor listeners, only 1-2 would have thriving relationships. But if you gathered 100 couples where partners are good listeners, 63 would be thriving.

Your odds shift from 1.4% (almost certain relationship dissatisfaction) to 63% (probable relationship success). That's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and betting on a likely outcome.

How quickly can improving listening skills impact a relationship?

While our research measured current listening quality against overall relationship scores, clinical experience shows couples often report feeling "heard" differently within 2-3 weeks of practicing intentional listening.

The cascade effect typically follows: better listening leads to more emotional safety (weeks 1-2), increased vulnerability (weeks 3-4), deeper conversations (month 2), and improved conflict resolution (months 2-3).