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Circular Questioning in Family Therapy: 8 Types With Examples
By Oliver Drakeford, LMFT, CGP
Circular questioning is a systemic family therapy technique used to explore recurring patterns between family members rather than searching for a single cause or person to blame.
A circular question is one which looks at the connection between one person's behaviour, emotions, or beliefs and the way another person responds; for instance, "When your daughter withdraws, what usually does your partner do?"
The aim is to enable therapists and families to come to an understanding of interactional cycles, the differences in perspective, the emotional meanings, the alliances, the boundaries, and the patterns relating to closeness or distance.
What Is Circular Questioning?
Most families have already decided who is to blame, but circular questioning gently challenges that idea.
Circular questions focus on the nature of relationships, such as closeness, distance, alliances, coalitions, and triangles. Instead of asking why someone is depressed, you start to look at how others respond to their withdrawal. For example, when he goes upstairs and closes the door, who follows him? When his mother gets anxious, how does his father react?
What I appreciate most is that asking questions is an intervention in itself. Instead of making statements about each other, family members begin to talk with curiosity. For example, instead of saying
"He doesn't care about me," someone might ask,
"I wonder if he sees my worry as pressure.
This kind of shift rarely happens on its own.
Circular Questions vs. Linear Questions
The main difference between linear and circular questions is what the therapist is trying to understand.
A linear question looks for information or a direct cause:
“When did Maya start withdrawing?” or
“What makes her anxious?”
A circular question looks for a relational pattern:
“When Maya withdraws, who notices first?” or
“When Mom becomes anxious, what does Dad do next?”
Family therapists need both. Linear questions help gather facts, history, risk information, and safety information. Circular questions help reveal how family members respond to one another and how those responses may form repeating cycles.
Looking For More Online Family Systems Therapy Training?
I offer free community sessions for family therapists, where I run live workshops, answer questions, and share training videos. If you want to practice these skills with other clinicians, feel free to join. The Family Systems Collective is free to join.
Alternatively, you can check out the Family Systems Online Training Course I offer.
What is the distinction between circular questioning and all the other kinds of questions?
The type of each question depends on its purpose. The intention matters more than the exact wording., Intending to Ask Linear, Circular, Strategic, or Reflexive Questions? divides questions into two categories: one running from understanding to influencing, and the other going from linear causality to systemic thinking. Together, these two axes form a four-part grid.
You still need to ask direct questions to get a person's name, age, risk factors, and to assess safety factors. However, if you focus only on these, the session can turn into a blame search.
Reflexive questions can offer hope, but they may slow progress until the family feels understood.
What are the eight types of circular questions?
The eight types of circular questions in family therapy fall into two groups: questions that identify differences and questions that identify connections.
The four difference-focused types explore differences between people, across time, across contexts, and around ambivalence.
The four connection-focused types explore connections between behaviors, feelings, beliefs, and relationships.
Therapists do not have to use these as a rigid checklist. A single circular question may explore more than one category at once.
Circular Questions That Find Differences
Questions To Find Differences Between People
Who notices first when Maya pulls back, and who tends to leave her alone?
Mom might find the silence worrying, while Dad may see it as normal teenage behavior. Pointing out these differences helps show that the problem does not belong to just one person.
Questions To Find Differences Across Time
Was Mom also concerned before Maya started high school?
These questions help spot exceptions and key moments, like a move or a loss. The event may not have caused the problem, but it may have changed the family structure, and that change may have had an effect.
Questions To Find Differences Across Context
Context questions ask if a pattern happens all the time or only in certain situations. These are especially helpful when a family describes the problem as a fixed trait, like saying "She's always shut down," "Mom is always anxious," or "Dad never says anything."
Try questions like these:
Do you find it easier to talk in the car or when you're at the dinner table, Maya?
Do you go quiet when school is mentioned or is it also the case with regard to other topics?
When Maya is among her friends, is she just as withdrawn as she is at home?
There is usually some variation. For example, Maya might be quiet at meals but talk in the car. Mom’s anxiety could peak in the evenings, and Dad might talk about anything except school. You are not trying to find someone to blame, but instead, you are noting these differences to see when the pattern is more or less likely.
Questions To Find Differences Around Ambivalence
This approach helps people notice the different desires they have inside. It may not be very systematic, but it is very effective for dealing with mixed feelings.
To Mom: “Which part of you still asks about school even when Maya stays quiet, and which part realizes that she may need some space?”
To Maya: “Which part of you wants to be left alone, and which part still wants your parents to know more about you?”
To Dad: “I'm wondering whether one part of you would like to keep the peace while another part of you wants to get more involved.
Everyone here feels stuck between two choices. Mom thinks she must keep pushing or give up. Maya feels she can stay silent or share everything. Dad believes he can avoid conflict or get involved and make things worse. Naming both options can open up a third possibility and help everyone understand each other's struggles.
Circular Questions That Make Connections
Questions To Find Connections Around Behavior
Behavior questions are probably the most important of the eight types because they show the sequence of actions: who does what, then what happens next, and so on. You keep going, mapping out the cycle.
What does Maya do afterwards when their mother mentions homework?
What action does Dad usually take when Maya stops replying?
What effect does it have on Mom's anxiety when Dad changes the subject?
This is where circularity shows up. Mom’s questions are linked to Maya’s silence, and Maya’s silence makes Mom worry more. When Dad changes the subject, it might lower tension for the moment, but it can leave Mom feeling alone and more responsible for finding answers. Focus on what you can actually see.
Asking "What happens next?" is safer and more helpful than asking "Why does she do that?" You can explore the reasons later. For now, just get a clear picture of who does what and when.
Questions To Find Connections To Feelings
Every behavior pattern has an emotional reason behind it, and feeling questions help connect the two.
Does Maya begin to feel when Mom's concern becomes more obvious?
Dad, what do you feel inside when you see Mom and Maya getting upset?
Mom might keep pressing because silence scares her. Maya might withdraw because her mother’s concern feels like criticism or a demand. Dad might change the subject because conflict feels too hard to handle, or because he wants to protect both of them. Since you do not know for sure, ask gently.
Use phrases like "What do you imagine?" or "Could it be that...?" to stay curious and open. Belief questions explore the meanings and ideas that make someone’s response seem reasonable or necessary to them.
For example:
What does the silence mean to you when your daughter stops speaking, Mom?
What do you think your mother believes when she keeps asking about your homework, Maya?
What do you tell yourself might happen if you stepped in, Dad?
Mom might see silence as a sign that Maya is in trouble. Maya might take repeated questions as proof she is not trusted or not meeting expectations. Dad might think getting involved would only make things worse.
How Do You Use Circular Questions in Family Therapy?
When I teach circular questioning, I recommend starting with observable behavior before moving toward feelings, beliefs, and relationship meanings.
First, map the sequence by asking questions such as, “What happens next?” “Who notices first?” and “What does the other person do then?” Once the interactional cycle is clearer, explore how different family members experience and interpret it.
For example, a therapist might move through this sequence:
“What does Maya do when Mom asks about school?”
“What does Mom do when Maya becomes quiet?”
“What does Dad usually do when he notices this happening?”
“What do you imagine Mom believes Maya's silence means?”
“If Dad responded differently, what might change between Mom and Maya?”
The goal is not to determine who is responsible for the problem. The goal is to create a clearer map of how each person's response connects with the responses of everyone else.
Family Systems Therapy And Circularity
How people respond to an event is shaped as much by what it means to them as by the event itself. You do not need to see these beliefs as unreasonable or try to change them.
Culture, values, and family history all play a part, and these beliefs are usually protective. First, try to understand them, since they drive the behavior you have already mapped. The last type of question shows how the family is structured: who is close to whom, who withdraws, who agrees, and where the tension is.
This is very helpful for mapping the family. For example: What do you think Maya feels she is closest to when she and her mother get involved in this? Who, Maya or Dad, is more likely to make Mom feel less alone about her concerns? What would be different between Mom and Maya if Dad joined the conversation in a new way? What would change between Mom and Maya?
The answers to these questions show patterns of closeness, distance, boundaries, and sometimes power. You might notice that Dad and Maya are quietly on the same side and together end the conversation. Meanwhile, Mom, feeling alone, becomes more anxious as Dad pulls away. Remember, your job is not to decide who is supporting whom, but to create a map. I need to see who is close, who is left out, and where the triangles are before I can decide how to help.
You do not need to memorize these as a checklist. Instead, think about which difference or connection would help you understand this family better. For more background, the entry on circular questioning in the Springer Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy is a helpful overview.
Oliver's Final Thoughts
After nearly ten years as a family therapist in Los Angeles (LMFT #104987, CGP), I am convinced that circular questioning is the best way to move from blame to curiosity. At My People Patterns, we teach this as our first skill. It helps you gather information and create change at the same time.
Start by looking at behavior sequences, then add other types of questions as your ideas become clearer. For more detailed examples, join the Family Systems Collective or take my online training.
Circular Questioning FAQs
What do we mean by circular questioning in the context of family therapy?
Circular questioning is a technique in systemic family therapy that looks at relationships and patterns instead of just individual causes. Developed in the late 1970s by Milan-based family therapists, it uses questions like "Who notices first?" The goal is to show the cycle everyone is part of, so the problem is not just one person’s responsibility.
What is an example of a circular question?
A typical circular question is, "When your daughter goes quiet, what does your partner usually do?" This type of question asks one family member to describe how two others interact. Other examples include, "Who worries most when she says nothing?" and "When has this been less intense?" These questions focus on the pattern, not on making a diagnosis.
What is the difference between linear questions and circular questions?
Linear (or lineal) questions look for causes, like "What's making him so low?" Circular questions focus on relationships, such as "When he withdraws, who moves toward him and who moves away?" Therapists need both types. Linear questions gather facts, risk information, and history, while circular questions reveal the patterns that keep the problem going.
What are the different types of circular questions?
There are two main groups. Difference questions compare people, time periods, contexts, or parts of a person. Difference questions compare people, times, contexts, or parts of a person. Connection questions look at links between behaviors, feelings, beliefs, and relationships.
This makes eight types in total. A good question often combines two types, like a behavior sequence that also shows an alliance., family systems thinking does the heavy lifting. Families usually arrive with one person labeled as the problem, and circular questions widen the lens to show how everyone's responses feed the cycle. Answering also shifts things, since family members start considering each other's perspectives with curiosity. That makes it both an assessment tool and an intervention.
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