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Relationship Intimacy QUIZ FOR COUPLES
I'm a Couples Therapist here in Los Angeles and designed this short quiz based on the leading causes of emotional distance in relationships, as as well as a decade of experience working with couples looking to feel more connected.
The quiz will help you gain an understanding of the four central relationship dynamics that shape and define how close and connected you feel with your partner:
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Communication:
Most couples I see can identify that their relationship needs some help with communication. The results in this quiz will get you closer to understanding exactly what aspect of communication is off.
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Affection or Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is more than just saying 'I love you', or 'I hear you'. In order to feel close to our significant others, we have to be able to express all kinds of feelings, the good, the bad and the not so pretty ones.
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Resolution of Conflict
How you resolve conflict is directly related to intimacy -it's hard to feel connected to someone if you're angry at them, and even more so if you're hurt from a disagreement that got too personal.
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Equilibrium or Balance
This is a subject we don't really like to talk about, because we want to believe we have a perfectly equal relationship, but there's always differences between two people: age, career, popularity etc. Our ability to talk about those differences, impacts how close or connected we feel towards our partners.
There are two versions of the quiz - feel free to take either, although one has questions specific to LGBTQ+ couples and some of the issues I see working with same-sex or queer couples in West Hollywood.
THE Intimacy QUIZ FOR LGBTQ+ COUPLES
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Some things are universal across relationships, wh's cooking dinner tonight, what are our future plans, and what to do about snoring. But for LGBTQ+ couples, there’s a distinctive layer of challenges and breakthroughs that shape their shared journey. Certain questions in this version of the quiz specifically explore minority stressors faced by the LGBTQ+ community. These stressors are an additional consideration that LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapists want to explore in order to help a couple reconnect. This version of the quiz is otherwise identical to the other.
THE Couples Intimacy QUIZ
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This evidence-based assessment evaluates the four critical pillars of connection: Communication, Affection, Resolution, and Equilibrium. By analyzing your unique patterns of emotional expression, conflict management, power balance, and intimacy, we provide personalized insights that illuminate both your relationship strengths and growth opportunities. Complete the quiz to receive your relationship archetype and a tarot-inspired reading that offers a fresh perspective on deepening your connection and rekindling intimacy.
THE FOUR PILLARS OF
RELATIONSHIP INTIMACY
Intimacy & Communication
Understanding communication is essential because it's the foundation upon which all relationships are built. When partners struggle to express their needs or actively listen to each other, small misunderstandings can grow into relationship-threatening problems. Many couples aren't even aware they're talking past each other, using communication styles that inadvertently create distance rather than connection. Recognizing your communication patterns can transform frustrating conversations into opportunities for deeper understanding and intimacy.
EMOTIONAL COMMUNICATION
Affection is more than just physical touch—it's about how partners express and receive love in ways that make each other feel valued and desired. What makes affection complex is that partners often have different needs and expressions of affection, leading to situations where one person feels neglected while the other feels they're making significant efforts. Understanding your affection dynamics helps identify mismatches in how you show love, allowing you to meet each other's needs more effectively, whether through words of affirmation, quality time, or physical closeness.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Conflict resolution reveals how couples navigate disagreements—a process that often determines relationship longevity more than compatibility itself. Many people don't realize they've developed unhealthy conflict patterns that either escalate tensions or leave important issues unresolved. Some avoid conflict entirely, while others engage in ways that create more hurt than healing. Recognizing how you each hangle conflict is a start to transforming disagreements into opportunities for growth and understanding, allowing you to address problems without damaging your connection.
EQUILIBRIUM or BALANCE
Equilibrium in relationships is about the balance of power, decision-making, and mutual respect. Many couples experience imbalances they're not consciously aware of—where one person's needs consistently take priority, or where decisions are subtly controlled by one partner. These power dynamics can create resentment, diminished self-esteem, and emotional distance even in otherwise loving relationships. Understanding your relationship's equilibrium isn't about achieving perfect equality in all things, but rather ensuring both partners feel valued, respected, and heard.
CoupleS Therapy for intimacy
Oliver Drakeford, LMFT, CGP
I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist as well as a Certified Group Psychotherapist in the West Hollywood / Beverly Hills area of Los Angeles. I've been providing therapy to couples and families for close to a decade.
Although I'm mainly focused on my private practice these days, I've been a Clinical Director of a residential treatment center and a Clinical Supervisor to new therapists.
In addition to private practice, I occasionally moonlight as an Adjunct Professor of Group Process at Antioch University in LA, and I offer consultations and trainings in group and family therapy.
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THE Intimacy QUIZ FOR LGBTQ+ COUPLES
THE C.A.R.E & Intimacy Quiz For Couples
THE FIVE TYPES OF INTIMACY
Intimacy isn't just one thing—there's actually five distinct threads that can make up an intimate connection.
Emotional Intimacy
Think of emotional intimacy as the heart-to-heart connection. It's that feeling when you can share your deepest fears, wildest dreams, and everything in between without fear of judgment.
It's like having a special room in your relationship home where you both feel safe enough to be vulnerable. When your partner says, "I've had a rough day," and you put down your phone to really listen—that's emotional intimacy in action.
Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy includes but extends far beyond sexual connection. It's the language our bodies speak when words fall short—from holding hands while walking through the grocery store to that comforting hug at the end of a difficult day.
Many couples I've worked with over the years initially think physical intimacy is only about sex, then realize how much they've been missing the simple power of touch.
INTELLECTUAL Intimacy
Have you ever had a conversation that made your mind dance? That's intellectual intimacy—the sharing of ideas, thoughts, and beliefs that stimulates your mind and creates connection.
It might look like discussing a book you both loved, respectfully debating current events, or problem-solving together. Intellectual intimacy thrives when we remain curious about our partner's perspective, even when it differs from our own.
EXPERIENTIAL Intimacy
Experiential intimacy is built when we create memories together. It's the shared jokes that only the two of you understand, the challenges you've overcome as a team, and the adventures—both big and small—that become part of your unique story.
This could be traveling to a new country together, taking a cooking class, or simply establishing meaningful rituals like Sunday morning coffee on the porch. These shared experiences create a special world that belongs just to you both.
SPIRITUAl Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy involves connecting around your deepest values, beliefs, and sense of purpose. It doesn't necessarily mean sharing the same religion (though it can), but rather finding common ground in what brings meaning to your lives.
This might look like discussing your core values, meditating together, participating in religious practices, or simply sharing moments of awe at the beauty of nature. Spiritual intimacy gives relationships a sense of shared meaning that helps weather life's inevitable storms.