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WHAT TO EXPECT IN Couples Therapy?
Taking that first step toward couples therapy is a powerful decision, and lets face it, a bit overwhelming. You don't know me, you don't know what's going to happen and you can't predict what it's going to feel like
This is my attempt to help with those first day of therapy nerves.
I've been a Couples and Family Therapist for about a decade and will be using all my clinical experience working with couples in West Hollywood to help you have a helpful first session with me.
COUPLES THERAPIST IN WEST HOLLYWOOD
I'm Oliver Drakeford, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with nearly a decade of clinical experience specializing in family and couples therapy in West Hollywood, California. Drawing from evidence-based approaches including the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy and Family Systems Theory, I help couples navigate communication challenges, rebuild emotional connection, and develop healthier relationship patterns.
Life is most fulfilling when our relationships with self, others, and family are balanced and healthy, so I create a safe, judgment-free environment where couples can explore their relationships and grow together. I workswith all relationship configurations and welcomes clients from diverse backgrounds at his West Hollywood practice.
COUPLES THERAPY LOS ANGELES
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LGBT Couples Therapy
Find out more about the LGBT Couples Therapy services I provide and how Affirmative Marriage Counseling helps.
Couples Therapy
More information on what couples therapy in West Hollywood is like with me and what goes on in a session.
Couples Therapy Quiz
If you're uncertain about starting couples counseling, you could take the free intimacy quiz I created.
THE BEST COUPLES THERAPY HAS DIRECTION
Many couples come to therapy expecting their partner to do most of the changing, and that's very normal and understandable, especially if your partner seems to be causing all the issues.
Even if that's not the case, couples arrive to the session, and can easily slip into a description and analysis that outlines all the ways their partner has disappointed, annoyed, frustrated or hurt them. Inevitably the other person has a similar argument that they'll present to counter the accusations.
There's a bit of an expectation that I'll serve as referee or judge and determine the winner.
The bad news I have to break to people is that the most successful couples therapy is one which encourages each person to approach therapy with curiosity about themselves, open to examining their own patterns and contributions.
Real, lasting change in relationships happens when both partners take ownership of their part in the dynamic. It's about understanding that while you can't change your partner, you can change how you show up in the relationship—and that often creates a powerful ripple effect.
Questions to Consider Before Your First Session
To help set the stage for productive therapy, I'll email you a PDF with a set of questions in them that are designed to encourage you to reflect on your relationship and look inside rather your self, rather than at your partner.
My goal is to prevent starting our work with each of you presenting your list of complaints or list of demands.
Don't worry, that will definitely happen, but you might have to trust me that it's not the best set up for therapy, progress or healing.
Envisioning Your Relationship
What kind of relationship do you want to co-create with your partner?
Picture your ideal relationship—not a fantasy without challenges, but a realistic vision of how you want to interact, feel, and grow together. What qualities would it have? How would you communicate? What would your emotional connection look like?
Why is this kind of relationship important to you?
This question helps uncover your core values and deepest needs. When we understand what's truly driving our desires, we're more motivated to make the necessary changes to get there. Consider how your relationship vision connects to what matters most to you.
What do you think will be required of you personally to create this kind of relationship?
Notice this question is about you, not your partner. What attitudes, behaviors, or changes might you need to embrace? What patterns might you need to break? This is where the real work of therapy begins.
Understanding Each Other
What do you believe are your partner's top 3-4 complaints or concerns about you?
This question tests how well you've been listening. Many couples are surprised to discover they've misunderstood their partner's primary concerns. Try to state these as accurately as possible from your partner's perspective
Is there any part of you that sees some legitimacy in these complaints?
Even if you don't fully agree with your partner's perspective, can you find a kernel of truth in their concerns? Being able to acknowledge where your partner might have a point—even in a small way—opens the door to meaningful dialogue.
What do you think you do that helps your partner feel loved, valued, and appreciated?
We often focus so much on problems that we lose sight of what's working. Reflecting on actions, words, or gestures that matter to your partner helps reconnect you with the positive aspects of your relationship.
Preparing for Change
How urgent do you feel the need for change is in your relationship?
Are you in crisis mode, needing immediate intervention? Or are you seeking more gradual improvements? Your answer helps me understand how directive to be in our work together.
If you could change just one thing about yourself that would make a positive difference in your relationship, what would it be?
Focusing on just one significant change can be more effective than trying to transform everything at once. Often, shifting one pattern creates positive ripple effects throughout the relationship.
What benefits do you see in making this change?
Change is easier to implrement if there's something in it for you, your relationship and your family. This question is to get you to consider the potential rewards of change. Itstrengthens your motivation when the work gets challenging.
What to Expect in Our First COUPLES THERAPY Session
In our initial meeting, we'll review your reflections on these questions and begin mapping out our therapeutic goals. My approach integrates evidence-based methods including the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy—approaches shown to effectively address the factors that contribute to relationship satisfaction.
Whether you're struggling with communication issues, emotional disconnection, intimacy concerns, or navigating life transitions, these frameworks provide practical tools for creating lasting change.
If you've taken the time to reflect on these questions, you've already begun the work of therapy. I invite you to bring your completed reflections to our first session, or email them to me beforehand if you prefer.
Remember that the courage to look honestly at yourself and your relationship is the foundation of meaningful change. By preparing thoughtfully for our work together, you're already moving toward the relationship you desire.
I look forward to being your guide on this journey.
Know your relationship with our CARE and INTIMACY QUIZ FOR COUPLES
