How to stop worrying and Overthinking
Anxiety, overthinking, and worry are some of the more common symptoms clients come to seek help with in my private practice, and I've been helping people in Los Angeles with it for a decade as a marriage and family therapist.
In this article, I hope to shed some light on why we worry, how anxiety hooks us, and how we can begin to loosen its grip using strategies I share with clients.
THE
PARADOX
OF WORRY
“If worrying makes me feel so awful, why do I keep doing it?”
The “paradox of worry” is that it might seem to reduce anxiety in the moment, or at the very least gives us a false sense of control as we're mulling over possibilities and scenarios. However we're likely to find that worry is covering more more intense feelings that we're not wanting to get in touch with. So while worry can be productive, it ultimately prolongs and amplifies anxiety.
Identifying this cycle and helping you to confront what worry is shielding them from—is a crucial step toward real relief.
Understanding HOW ANXIETY AND Worry WORKS
The Worry Shield
Worry is a cognitive process, not an emotional one. Rather than fully imagining a threat (which triggers a stronger emotional reaction), we intellectually dwell on it with worry. This “cognitive detour” means we never confront our deeper fears or feelings head-on.
Feelings such as sadness, grief, or panic remain locked away, unaddressed. Because we never truly face them, we can’t learn to soothe them or discover what they need (e.g., connection, reassurance, action).
The Payoff Of Worry
Worry can trick us into feeling as though we’re preventing bad outcomes (“If I keep worrying about it, maybe it won’t happen”). This is sometimes called magical thinking.
Each time you use worry to sidestep a bigger emotional surge, it “works” just enough to convince you it’s a good idea. That reward turns into a habit—almost like pressing the same lever to get relief again and again.
The Trap Of Worry
On some level, worrying feels safe, perhaps even practical, but it blocks healing and emotional processing.. By clinging to worry for relief, you never fully process the real source of distress.
Worry primes the brain to look for more problems, adding to the cycle of hypervigilance. Because it provides short-lived comfort, worry becomes an ingrained behavior, and simple willpower (“just stop worrying!”) doesn’t break the cycle.
Effective Therapy For Worry in West Hollywood
If this is connecting with you, and you're struggling with worry, anxiety or overthinking, and live in California, or Los Angeles, effective treatment is available. You can make a free consultation call with me or one of my colleagues and we'll answer your questions and, if it feels right, set up your first session.
THE FIVE
RULES OF
ANXIETY
Anxiety has rules that it forces you to follow.
ANXIETY THERAPY HELPS FREE YOU FROM THE CONSTRAINTS OF ANXIETY
The “paradox of worry” is that it might seem to reduce anxiety in the moment, or at the very least gives us a false sense of control as we're mulling over possibilities and scenarios. However we're likely to find that worry is covering more more intense feelings that we're not wanting to get in touch with. So while worry can be productive, it ultimately prolongs and amplifies anxiety.
Identifying this cycle and helping you to confront what worry is shielding them from—is a crucial step toward real relief.
Rule #1 The Smoke Alarm Rule
We treat every anxious thought as though it’s a genuine emergency alert, like a smoke alarm that always signals fire—even when there’s no real danger.
This leads to hypervigilance, where people feel compelled to analyze and react to every little fear. In reality, many of these “alarms” are false positives that keep us unnecessarily on edge.
Rule #2 The Boomerang Principle
Trying to shove anxiety away can actually make it bounce back harder—much like a boomerang returns when thrown.
The more you insist on eliminating discomfort, the more it seems to fight for your attention. Paradoxically, learning to acknowledge your anxious feelings often makes them less overwhelming.
Rule #3 The First Day Of School Illusion
Anxiety convinces people they lack the internal resources to handle tough situations—forgetting the many times they’ve managed difficulties before. They rely heavily on external reassurance, believing, “I can’t let anything bad happen because I just can’t cope.” In reality, they’ve already survived countless challenges, proving they’re more capable than they think..
Rule #4 Every Rumble Is The Big One
Any slight sign of trouble—a racing heart, a sudden noise—triggers thoughts of catastrophic outcomes. It’s like hearing a rumble and instantly assuming it’s the worst earthquake ever.
By magnifying every minor cue into a crisis, anxiety keeps you in a near-constant state of alarm.
Rule #5 We're Under Attack
This overarching stance has people seeing daily life as a war zone, modifying their choices to stay “safe.”
They avoid certain places, activities, or even thoughts to guard against what they perceive as ongoing threats. The result is a restrictive, exhausting existence governed by fear rather than actual risk..
The anxiety
loop
The Anxiety Loop Is Exhausting and Perpetual. Therapy Helps Breaks The Anxiety Spirals.
Treatment For Anxiety Helps Break The Anxiety Loop
One of the patterns I see most often in my work with anxious clients is the ‘Anxiety Loop’—a self-reinforcing cycle of overthinking, avoidance, and endless searching for certainty. It may feel comforting in the moment, but this loop ultimately keeps you stuck, adding more worry rather than relieving it. In therapy, we identify and break this cycle so you can move forward with greater clarity and confidence
The Google Loop
Anxiety compels you to endlessly research every possible angle of a decision, as if the right piece of information could erase all risk. Rather than soothing doubts, this constant fact-finding often creates new questions and uncertainties. It becomes a cycle of seeking absolute certainty—something we can never truly achieve.
The Delay Dilemma
Faced with too many what-ifs, people postpone making decisions indefinitely, hoping time or more data will guarantee a perfect outcome. On the surface, this appears thoughtful and responsible, but it’s really anxiety undermining forward progress. Prolonged indecision can leave you feeling stuck and more anxious than ever.
The Doubt Dementor
Worries intensify into an almost haunting sense of self-doubt, questioning whether you made—or are about to make—the right choice. Like a dementor in the Harry Potter series, it sucks the joy out of decisions you’ve already made, making you second-guess everything. This persistent doubt drains mental energy and keeps the anxiety cycle alive
The Doom Vault
Anxious minds gather evidence to support worst-case scenarios, ignoring or downplaying anything that contradicts the “doom.” It’s a filter that magnifies negative details and locks onto fear-based interpretations.
Over time, the “file” becomes thicker and thicker, reinforcing a grim outlook that further cements worry.
The Ultimate Answer
Anxiety convinces you that if you just find the perfect solution—or the one sure bet—you’ll finally feel safe. In reality, there is no one definitive answer because life is inherently uncertain.
Clinging to the illusion of total certainty fuels the loop again, sending you right back to research and indecision.
FAQ
Q1: How can therapy help me stop worrying and overthinking?
A: Therapy can help you break the cycle of worry and overthinking by addressing the "Paradox of Worry" and the "Anxiety Loop." We'll work together to recognize how worry provides temporary relief but ultimately prolongs anxiety. Through our sessions, you'll learn to distinguish between genuine concerns ("signals") and unnecessary worries ("noise"), and develop strategies to challenge anxious thoughts
Q2: What approach do you use in treating anxiety?
Our approach involves a three-layered strategy:
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Recognizing and reshaping the anxious mindset
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Accepting and allowing deeper emotions to surface
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Changing behavior and attitudes by developing new coping strategies
We focus on moving from a "protect and defend" mode to an "accept and allow" mindset, helping you face and process emotions more effectively
Q3: I've tried to stop worrying before, but it hasn't worked. How is your therapy different?
A: Our therapy addresses the root causes of anxiety, not just its symptoms. We could explore "Five Rules of Anxiety" above to see if they apply to you - if they don't there will be others keep your trapped in anxious thinking.
Unlike approaches that rely solely on willpower or avoidance, we work on changing your relationship with anxiety. This includes understanding the payoffs of worrying and learning to tolerate uncertainty, which can lead to more lasting change
Q4: How long does anxiety therapy typically take to show results?
A: The duration of therapy varies for each individual. However, many clients start noticing changes in their thinking patterns and anxiety levels within the first few sessions.
As we progress through the three phases of treatment - reshaping mindset, emotional processing, and behavior change - you'll likely experience gradual improvements. Remember, therapy is a process, and consistent engagement often leads to more sustainable results1
GET YOUR ANXIETY THERAPY PDF
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